Serinissima- Through the looking glass... lightly

Playing in the Paint Box

2012-02-08T05:26:00.001+11:00

Today, in an effort to follow my word for the year open, and inspired by the beautiful Katie Kendrick (or should I say gently nudged on) I am sharing some recent journal pages (top 3) and also some water colours from my sketch book.

Scenes from Bali

2012-02-02T21:36:00.001+11:00

A Teaser from Bali

2012-01-19T14:25:00.001+11:00

A few images from Bali, more to come, but right now is the time for grounding myself back into home after both time away and many house guests over Christmas and time for snuggling down with little schnookems who have missed their mama and papa.

Gxx

Word for 2012- OPEN

2012-01-01T09:06:00.000+11:00

“I tell you this
to break your heart,
by which I mean only
that it break open and never close again
to the rest of the world.”
Mary Oliver

My word for 2012 was going to be grow, but that soon grew into expand. Expand than expanded into OPEN which is now my word for the year. I love this word, it has such beautiful meanings on so many levels and encompasses both grow and expand along with blossom (my word on a previous year) with just a touch of vulnerability (just to be clear universe, can I please have that vulnerability without pain or hurt, thank you) and visibility and a lot of bravery.

Here's to the wonderful flow of good things both ways.

Where am I

2011-12-29T06:31:00.000+11:00

Method Press 3

2011-12-15T10:34:00.000+11:00

Here is the latest Method Press with articles I wrote on both the wonderful Flora Bowley and the divine Elle Moss.

Everything Blooms

2011-12-07T05:34:00.001+11:00

I've just finished experiencing my first real spring and I had no idea, absolutely everything blooms. Back home (Sydney) we don't really have seasons other than jacaranda season, followed by mango season (otherwise known as Daiquiri season) and so on, it's one warm weather rolling into another. Here I am astounded by how the place has literally come to life- I finally get daffodils, heralders of all that is to come. They had always seemed rather an obvious flower but now I can only imagine the sweet joy they bring after months of bitter cold, promising warmth and growth.
And those 49 rose bushes I pruned back in the snow without gardening gloves (with my new found admiration for the dedication of Prince Charming- I'm pretty sure he didn't have gardening gloves either), have all sprung to life in a kaleidoscope of colours. They remind me of all the effort my grandmother put into her suburban garden back in Sydney, a garden that won awards and had garden tours, never did all her efforts result in the bounty that my neglected rose bushes adorn my garden with. So many plants that I looked at and thought "I should pull that dead bush out" have now come alive to amaze me (and make me thankful for my lazy gardening skills- zealous ignorant gardener probably not a good mix).
As for the mountain side, it was dripping with blossoming trees heavy under the weight of their abundance and is now covered with patches of yellow everywhere, interspersed with purple. It is absolutely amazing.
My wonder knows that it is a wonder that can not be truly captured on film, and so I didn't even try but here are a few snaps from the iphone as I wonder what summer will bring and I wait for the ripening of the blueberries and strawberries. Wishing warmth to all of you in those cold places snuggling down ready for snow.

Spring- who knew...

Portrait of a self-1

2011-11-22T16:49:00.001+11:00

This night is alive, sadness & joy
It surges in its stillness
Light cast out by a shadow throwing moon
Reveals hidden lands beneath a transparent sea

One can no longer hold a
moment than a drop of water
Slip away or evaporate with
No trace but a kiss upon your memory

I wade so far, out to the reef
& still the sea touches only my knees
Month at a close
Full moon she pulls hard
The ocean is taken from me
& I return to a still calm within.

The first painting finished in my new home. It has taken me awhile to find my painting groove in this new space but I eventually worked out that the garage just was not going to be conducive to the creative process and so I've taken over the "formal" sitting room and that seems to be working. Hey, what can I say, as you can see it's much prettier- "have drop sheet, will travel".

Daily walking scenes

2011-09-22T14:58:00.004+10:00

Carpaccio Issue #30

2011-09-16T11:00:00.000+10:00

So honoured to see some of my work featured in this fabulous magazine. Thanks.

One Perfect Day

2011-09-12T16:35:00.003+10:00

The Picnic

The View

The Treasure (from my son ♥♥)

The Inukshuk (we built & left for the next travelers)

The Walk Home

Into the Setting Sun

Today was a perfect day

Today the children saw magic

& the light delighted across the water.

Today was a perfect day

when all were nourished by

the sweet silence of a pristine land

and we all drank deeply

of the water at our feet,

hands scooping purity to our mouths,

quenching more than our thirst.

♥♥♥

Iphone Magic

2011-09-04T17:23:00.001+10:00

Method Press- Issue 02

2011-08-29T10:07:00.001+10:00

Method Press-Issue 02 is now available from magcloud. This issue has an article by me on the wonderful Gabrielle Jones and her art (see images below or visit her website) as well as features on Sophie Blackall & Frankie Norstad. This gorgeous read is 76 pages jam packed with art, intellect & humor. Issue 02 is the perfect way to rock out the end of summer (or winter if you're in my hemisphere), low-fi style.

One thing leads to another

Scenes from the Art Space

2011-08-21T08:51:00.000+10:00

I'm very much missing my art space with the beautiful rainforest view out the window. As I look around myself now surrounded by a sea of boxes I wonder if I can create such a space again. I know everything is here in the boxes somewhere (minus the rainforest) but the new space is different, it offers different oppurtunities and lacks other familiarities I long for when I look at this photos. Stay tuned to see what emerges from the chaos.

You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star. Friedrich Nietzsche

Some scenes from the week:

♥♥♥ Instagram- come and play.

Snowflakes on my Eyelashes

2011-08-17T14:53:00.001+10:00

Loving: 
♥ Snowflakes on my eyelashes 
♥ stewed fruit 

Missing:
four wheel drive 
washing machine and dryer

Today's view from the Window Seat

2011-08-15T07:04:00.001+10:00

Loving 

♥ snow snow snow 

♥ underfloor heating 

♥ roast pumpkin 

♥ snow day= no school 

♥ excited children

Missing
♥ my coffee machine
♥ art supplies
♥ my warm doona
♥ mini mink 
♥ ski jacket and snow shoes

Still Waiting

2011-08-13T11:46:00.002+10:00

I'm still waiting for furniture to arrive which maybe delayed by the "worst" snow storm in 50 years (lol), but this is what I look at while waiting!!!

Loving: 

♥ Winter sun
♥ Rosy cheeked children
♥ the lake
♥ anticipating snow
♥ a community unfolding
♥ open fires
♥ walking
♥ exploring our new lives
♥ hot chocolate with bush honey
♥ the kindness of strangers
♥ a carpet of snow

Holding Pattern

2011-08-03T08:11:00.000+10:00

I'm sitting here in holding pattern for way too long now- moved out of my old house, my old home and my old country, sitting in the new country waiting to get into my new house, waiting for my furniture to arrive so I can re-establish my cocoon and finally exit the land of limbo.

I've said good by to the fair city of Sydney- I will miss your cafes, Gardenias, the fabulous Thai restaurants, I won't miss the traffic, the rudeness, the congestion, or the inflated house prices.

Almost Here:

2011-06-16T20:47:00.000+10:00

This magical and wise tree is calling me back. I'm coming as fast as I can...

Canadian Art Journal

2011-05-27T21:13:00.000+10:00

What's next?

2011-04-01T07:50:00.000+11:00

"Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you." David Whyte

This quote is sitting with me, walking with me and dreaming with me as my life prepares to undergo some major upheavals and changes. Stay tuned...

Miss Match: Abstract

2011-03-05T15:05:00.003+11:00

This week I played Miss Match with Anika Toro (her photo is the beautiful green/gold image on the right). I had a lot of fun playing with images in a more "abstract" way than I normally do and manipulating them digitally opens so many possibilities. Playing with images in this way lead to new images out of old and new ways of seeing. I guess this is the joy of collaborating and working on things that are not normally in your repertoire. Here's to eyes open further.

The one that got away...

2011-03-02T18:01:00.001+11:00

Just a little fun- here is the fake polly of the polly that got away, shot out of the camera into the breeze and over the edge of the cliff. To retrieve would have meant risking life and limb to climb over the safety barracked and down the ravine to rescue the photo, oh the photo. I was very tempted, weighing up the risk/benefit ratio whilst scanning the passing crowds in search of a limber rock climber to come to my rescue. Guess I will never know how that shot turned out, what magic developed, but I like to imagine stories of what happened to it. Perhaps a big gust came a long and whisked it out to sea where it land on a passing yacht off on a global adventure. Perhaps a mammoth current took it all the way across the Tasman to New Zealand where it washed up on the shore at the feet of a lone walker looking for magic treasures. Perhaps a romantic gesture was made at twilight when a brave lover climbed down to retrieve it as a gift for his new love. Perhaps the rain washed it down and somebody doing a good deed by picking up my litter noticed its beauty and took it home and put it in a frame where it still hangs just across the road from me.

I guess I'll never know. What I do know is that taking polaroids is a risky business (in more ways than I care to list) and often is a two man job, one to shoot and one to catch.

Iphone Sunday- Aqua Bus

2011-02-20T13:25:00.000+11:00

Polaroid Day- Black Edition

2011-02-18T18:32:00.004+11:00

My artist copy of Polaroid Day- Black Edition came this week and I am delighting in seeing my work published amongst so many other beautiful images and talented photographers. If you love polaroids or are into photography then check out this collection.

Canadia- Until next time xox

2011-02-12T18:14:00.002+11:00

Dreaming in greens and golds

2011-02-08T13:19:00.002+11:00

Back in Canadia...

2011-01-12T14:41:00.001+11:00

Sunday Somewhere- Iphone Sunday

2011-01-03T04:11:00.000+11:00

Iphone Sunday- Found Treasures

2010-12-20T12:05:00.000+11:00

Fast and Furious December

2010-12-15T19:05:00.002+11:00

Lush Desert

This is one of several canvases I am struggling to finish.

December felt like such an odd month, a limbo month as the year begins to wind down and the January break promises adventures and rest in the new year. Then the calm before the storm is over and December rears its busy head in earnest. This December has been especially busy with my son graduating Primary School and getting ready for High School, something I didn't except to be so emotionally battered by. Honestly I'm wondering who has time for Christmas. The only Christmas shopping I've done so far was for my son's teachers and they weren't really Christmas presents but more gifts of undying gratitude for those few teachers who protected my son's spirit over the last few years instead of trying to snub it (as some others did). Today when I went up to the school to say thank you to his teacher I couldn't even get the words out as the tears streamed- I wasn't expecting that.

Fast and Furious Still Lives:

Gardenia Sketch 1

Gardenia Sketch 2

My garden is filled with natural bush which gives the impression of a rain forest and is as low maintance as it can get (except for the aftermath of the purple snow season we just had brought on by the beautiful Jacarandas). I have a tiny patch of garden to plant into and have jam packed it with Gardenias and one white Camillia for winter. This year with the deluge of rain we've had the Gardenias have bloomed early and I got to enjoy them (usually they bloom in Jan when I'm away). I am astounded and just how lush and magnificent they are. Though not the easiest to paint, I attempted two fast and furious paint sketches of them.

I also ambitiously thought I could make Chrissy cards this year but didn't get very far- not sure any will make it into the post at this late date :( Longing for a quiet moment to curl up with this beautiful book by Angie Lewin, hopefully by March. Absolutely inspiring.

My Thai Mandala, collaged out of photos I took in Thailand and a few bits of memorabilia we brought back.

Iphone Sunday- Little Japan

2010-12-14T07:19:00.000+11:00

Magnificent and Magnanimous

2010-12-12T20:15:00.002+11:00

Iphone Sunday- Flight

2010-12-05T20:28:00.002+11:00

Got lost again

found wings

took flight

Asked Again

2010-11-26T14:33:00.001+11:00

Asked again
I’m asked “How are you, what’s new”
Reluctant, I hesitate
stumbling to reconcile the triviality with
the enormity of the question.
“I’m good, not much” i answer
thinking of how I struggle to stop time,
how the light has changed as we move towards summer,
my days extended,
how the sweet ripeness of mangoes delights me
and the morning hours are never enough
how I cry, how I smile, how I love.

Come, sit with me by the pool,
hear the breeze ripple across the water,
watch the light move by and the shadows move on,
hear the stories of my days
in silent stillness
then you’ll know how I am and what’s new.
This is the sight and light of my life.

Sounds and Sights from the morning walk

2010-11-16T12:28:00.001+11:00

Well there would be sounds if I knew how to insert an M4a into blogger.

Anyone have any clues?

So these are some of the treasures that I found along the way on my morning walk this morning. Why is it that those first few steps to the front door are always the hardest- how I love it when I'm actually out. Only thing is that a walk for a photographer is not always the best form of exercise, even without a camera device in tow (given that we can now shoot with a listening device instead) as we constantly break our stride to stop and shoot treasures along the way...

DREAMS TO KISS ONE LAST TIME

2010-11-08T20:01:00.001+11:00

DREAMS TO KISS ONE LAST TIME

Sleep washed away by
the crashing waves.
Dreams linger in the translucent light
between moon and sun
the day unveils itself gently
Light softly lifts the shadow realm.

Golden curlews lash the shore
laced with pure white foam.
Mistress waits below the trees
advanced guard shines seductively ahead
As butterflies hurry by
Dreams to kiss one last time.

Iphone Sunday- So many apps so little time...

2010-11-08T17:59:00.000+11:00

Mentors- Sarah Moon

2010-11-02T07:46:00.000+11:00

I have been revisiting some of my favorite photographers, the ones who first inspired me, who fed my fire, in an attempt to step away from getting caught up in the current trend of what is popular in photography and getting back to what I love. I shoot for a living, so obviously that work requires a result that pleases another, the client, but the other work I do should only please me and not try and mimic these "trends" that are so prevalent in this digital age of the camera and blogging.

What fascinates me about these "mentors" is how much I am still inspired by them 20 plus years later,how their work has not dated but holds up as art, how much I still love their work and am inspired to find my own voice again after so long of adapting it to the client's needs and the saturation of what is in "vogue". Mostly how much my own tastes have not changed- perhaps beauty goes way beyond a trend:

Heat cannot be separated from fire, or beauty from The Eternal.

Dante Alighieri

So the first is Sarah Moon whose work speaks for itself and this beautiful clip transports me back somewhere into my past, my dreams and my former photographic self.

Enjoy...

Iphone Sunday- Halloween

2010-11-01T09:24:00.000+11:00

Teaser

2010-10-24T17:45:00.001+11:00

The first of a series from the vault that I am going to dig out and scan from my former life as a dance photographer. More to come shortly...

Look what wickedness tempts me from my path...

2010-10-24T17:01:00.000+11:00

This little bit of decadence lured me off my path and into

a delicious evening of red wine and this soft cheese cooked

with a layer of red wine and infusions of garlic and rosemary.

I dipped a baguette, sipped wine and listened to the sizzling

of dinner being prepared in my kitchen. mmmm....

Dripping with magic

2010-10-20T18:26:00.001+11:00

My Canadian friend tells me that it has been predicted to be the coldest winter this year and I'm so excited- Vancouver knows we're coming back and is preparing to put on a magical white show for us again. Fingers crossed.

I know many of you are wondering what is that mad woman talking about, but when you grow up in a place where the only white on the road is from the sun burnishing down and the nights are dripping with no relief, the thought of crisp fresh air to awaken the senses and snowflakes gently kissing your cheeks and catching in your eye lashes is a magical magical daydream.

Passion of the Heart

2010-10-16T19:57:00.000+11:00

Here is a photo I took at a wedding I went to recently (as a guest not a shooter-yay) at Byron Bay. The bride told me that the professional photographer had been in the loo during the lighting of the love flame so I was delighted to find this for her in my happy snaps. Wishing this flame stays ignighted for them forever.

What are you doing with this one glorious day

2010-10-15T12:22:00.000+11:00

I am splashing paint about in my leafy studio,

listening to Dido, J L Hooker, Annie Lennox

and the spring rain.

I am dreaming of an endless January

and snow

I am planning to glutton on mangoes before Canada

for what is Christmas without mangoes?

I am compiling my holiday reading list

(which so far only consists of Isabelle Allende's "Aphrodite")

I will yoga while layers dry.

Life is Sweet.

Playing in the Paint box-some more journal pages

2010-09-26T19:49:00.001+10:00

The one on the left is a study of the beautiful Misty Mawn's painting which can be found for sale in her Etsy shop, her work is always inspiring as is her very beautiful blog.

Temple Bells

2010-09-16T09:19:00.000+10:00

This is the magic light for me: dark ominous clouds hanging forebodingly blanketing everything except for this small slither of space where the golden setting sun sneaks down and shines under the blanket illuminating everything in its magic if only for a few moments, literally a few moments. Be sure to drink it in deeply when it does- the magic of this melancholy golden light. 

More from the vault

2010-09-09T18:13:00.002+10:00

I look at this and wonder what Van Gogh would have made of the modern night lights.

Bring back the Soul Train

2010-09-09T16:24:00.000+10:00

Way too fun not to share.

Dripping in colours

2010-08-31T14:22:00.003+10:00

Flora inspired

Practicing faces

Iphone Sunday

2010-08-31T08:42:00.000+10:00

Truth is a Moving Target...

2010-08-29T09:13:00.001+10:00

The Eternal Seduction of Life

2010-08-24T20:36:00.002+10:00

Flowers have spoken to me more than I can tell in written words. They are the hieroglyphics of angels, loved by all men for the beauty of their character, though few can decipher even fragments of their meaning. ~Lydia M. Child

Let us dance in the sun,

wearing wild flowers in our hair...

~Susan Polis Shutz

Iphone Sunday

2010-08-23T07:52:00.000+10:00

Miss Match- Week 20- Vivid

2010-08-20T21:03:00.001+10:00

This weeks Miss Match I was paired with Morgan Kendall on the theme Vivid. I was so pleased that we both didn't want to do vivid colour and Morgan was keen to explore the idea of vivid dream/reality. Here is what we came up with.
Left: Morgan Kendall
Right: Me

Iphone Sunday

2010-08-15T11:59:00.001+10:00

Iphonography- Iphone Sunday

2010-08-08T11:56:00.002+10:00

No words just lots of colours...

2010-07-23T15:04:00.000+10:00

Another journal page Flora inspired.

Miss Match- Truth & Covet

2010-07-13T14:30:00.002+10:00

Week 15- Truth with Violet Bella (right)

Week 13- Covet with Tiffany Teske (right)

Next week the theme is "seduce", seems to be a bit of a common thread going on here... Check back to see what we come up with.

Holding Space- 215800, Thank you Bindu

2010-06-29T17:55:00.002+10:00

Well the first 21 days, the official end of the original 215800, has come and gone and I thought I would take a moment to reflect on the journey. For me it was a blessing to start a new regime of yoga, to pull my body and mind into more health and Bindu's group was brilliant for this with the support of the other participants all downing their dogs. The main thing for me with the practice of yoga is staying, and whilst my physical muscles were being strengthened and flexed, it was these inner muscles of stillness that were flexed the most. Sometimes only 20 mins, sometimes 2 hours but always with the rest of the world pulling me down from my practice with the lure of busyness here and demands of life there. I had to work hard to steel and still my mind and hold the intention that for this short time I had nothing else I needed to be doing than holding open this space for myself, to keep me centered and healthy. Such a hard thing to do. I would tell myself that the children downstairs waiting for me deserved the calm and happy mother that would emerge when finished rather than the resentful one who wasn't allowed to finish, that the pile of work would run smoother if those photoshopping knots were unravelled, that someone else could unload the dishwasher and the emails would wait to be checked later. How hard could it possibly be? How much time we waste in useless distraction and yet it is so hard to hold open this space for ourselves.

Well thank you Bindu for the motivation and the inspiration to walk down this path that had been calling me for so long and which I was an expert at ignoring with a lack of prioritising. I realise, after 21 days, why it was calling me and how important it needs to be in my life. I will be continuing on the extra 10 days and beyond. Namaste Bindu xox

I've decided to be Happy- the bearable lightness of being...

2010-06-26T19:50:00.001+10:00

This week I thought it was about time I made my own vision board and I found it an enlightening experience. I was perusing the wide web searching for images to include on my vision board only to come to the realisation that I had pretty much every image that I need (except the ever so flexible nubile yoga body on the beach) in my personal collection of photos. That my vision board is what I shoot, and what I am able to shoot because it is what my life is filled with. As cliched as it is our lives are filled with blessings if we choose to see them.
Now we all know the old adage that we create our own lives, and I know this to be true, yet it was still a shock to realise that all of the things that I want in my life pretty much exist in one way or another and that I just have to find ways to allow more of them and to acknowledge them when they are here. In this way my photography is a letter of gratitude to the universe.
Well since this blissful realisation I have been walking on air with sunshine at my back and have chosen to be happy. Now don't get me wrong, I still have daily worries and stresses but seriously, Life Is Good.
Namaste.

Om

2010-06-23T16:52:00.001+10:00

Peace, Love & Light...

Shine- Miss Match Week 11 with Lorraine Veronica

2010-06-18T13:21:00.001+10:00

It was my turn to pick the themes for this week and I picked Shine, Voice & Still.

When I paired up the teams I was an odd number so I chose not to play but shot my shine photo anyway which appeared here. Then Lorraine lost her partner and magically her delicious image worked beautifully with mine: serendipity. It has been fabulous watching how everyone interpreted the themes I chose- go and check them out here, there are some simply gorgeous ones.

Samui Buddha

2010-06-13T12:09:00.002+10:00

I AM THESE COLOURS

I am these colours
Clear and calm
Delicately vibrant, translucent mist
Soft and ever dreamy.

I am these colours
That wash up on the shore
In the shadow of another
Lost day.

I am these colours
That I see and hear
The purples to the soft
Peach that skirts the clouds
Oh the blues. I hear the blues.

I am these colours
That wash alive
Over the days to sleep.
Colours that mingle
And dance into each other.

I am these colours
Always anew
The surface of the depths
The hint,
The wonder.

Balance- the Holy Grail of the 21st Century

2010-06-11T11:09:00.002+10:00

The Elusivity of Balance
Or
Balance- the Holy Grail of the 21st Century

My idea of balance, the balance that I seek is calm, tranquil, level and serene, an ideal. I never find this calm and tranquil balance for very long and wonder if it is like the holy grail, a legend, a myth and all this time I have been on a wild goose chase searching for something I shall never find. When I do find it will I even know what it looks like and is it something I can hang on to. Is balance a verb or a noun? I think for too long we have sought the noun when in fact it is the verb we need.

“To keep your balance you must keep moving” Einstein

    I feel more that I disappear into the depths of one thing or another and are not able to find this “balance”, this harmonious and mythical place where things work together. My life is more like a pendulum that swings from one direction to another and then back again. Giddy I look around to steady myself as I swing another direction. Somethings get neglected while I swing in another direction and then back again to be reconnected.
    I wonder, is not the pendulum of perpetual motion not a form of balance? Could I not claim my life, myself is balanced as long as I’m swinging? Perhaps it is better to continue swinging, searching for that center balance and in the process be balanced, than to find stillness, to stop off balance? So I take console in the fact that perhaps my life is more balanced than I think it is.
    Maybe what’s missing is a clear goal, a point to center my gaze on like dancers do when they spin. Perhaps then I would find my calm in all this perpetual motion, this oscillation.
    Finding ones goal, purpose, ones point on the horizon, that’s the tricky question and often a moving target.
    What is this balance, this ever so elusive balance that we seek? A goal made more weighty in modern times when we are supposed to be able to have it “all”. The weight of “all” is heavy, no wonder it is tipping the scale off balance, tilting it towards ever more busyness, in our endless task of acquiring, achieving, obtaining, maintaining. All a lot of busy doing and not a lot of being. We do motherhood: driving, carpooling, organising, rallying, working- when do we get to just be a mother.
    When I’m out of balance, not just a little bit, but a lot out of balance, I feel myself reverberate, like a tuning stick struck. I vibrate either side of myself trying to catch up with or slow down to myself. I can see myself just out of focus, refracted all around me like some dark halo. I step and I hear the echo of my step as I try to catch up with myself. Almost like one foot in this world and one foot in some parallel world, just out of sync and only vaguely visible through a foggy window.
    I try to calm myself with yoga or chi gong, be in the moment, the current moment and my invisible arms reach out and grab hold of bits of me, pulling them back into my center. Making me feel more solidly grounded in this world and less like a shadow that may disappear as the sun shifts the light, casting me away. Then I return to the demands of my day and a screaming child evaporates this state of calmness. C’est la vie- it begins again.
    Balance is not only three dimensional, it is four dimensional in its complexities. Balance of the personal external things, work, family, motherhood, diet, health, leisure etc with the more complex inner things, calm, centered, desires, flowing energies, creative spirit, joy, gratitude and then out to balance the larger external, the planet, humanity, the environment, karma. Always so many balls in the air.
    Balance isn’t something you can tick of your to do list, synchronise with you i-phone. Balance requires deep introspection- everyone needs to find their own point of balance. The point where    you find stillness in the perpetual movement. You can not seek someone else’s definition of balance and hope to meet your own. Balance can be held for a moment- but what about when you string all those moments together? Practice, choices, priorities. Balance requires trial and error and surrender, it is both a passive and an active practice. And it is a practice, a journey, something you do not find but something that you choose and do. At the very least, balance in a dialogue you have with yourself.

“There’s no secret to balance. You just have to feel the waves” Frank Herbert

Tribute to fallen friends

2010-06-08T16:53:00.002+10:00

I'm trying to be zen about the loss of the trees that surrounded my house until this last week. I know things change, and I'm trying to enjoy the additional light now streaming into my house but I'd rather the trees any day and many tears have been shed by both me and my children. Its amazing how much the loss of the trees is changing my relationship to my house. Those trees used to cocoon us in privacy and nature and the mottled golden light that used to filter through the leaves was so magical and serene :( Today the noise of the chainsaws in stereo was too much to bare so armed with laptops we headed out to work at a cafe only to come home and find that one of the trees on ours side that shouldn't have been touched was also felled. Luckily my partner is livid enough for both of us so I get to be resigned about it instead, its not like they can put it back. Below is the old view through a lounge room window which is now replaced with the concrete block beyond:

BANYAN TREE

Cool breeze brushes my
Sun moistened eyelids

My eyes softly shut
Still so bright

Ancient rhythmic licks
At my knobbly knees

Swirling seaweed
In a giant bubble bath

Beads dripping down my back
Feet slowly sinking deep

Rooted to the spot
I wonder to be a Banyan Tree

Practising being brave and sharing some of my art journal pages starting with these (more to come over the following weeks).

Misty inspired.

Flora inspired.

Freedom of Choice

2010-06-08T10:09:00.001+10:00

Sometimes we are our own worst enemy when it comes to freedom and giving ourselves permission. Yesterday I awoke with pains in my back and in dire need of some physical selfcare. So after dropping the kids off to school I set out to do some Chi Gong followed by yoga. My mind kept wondering to the studio calling me downstairs "its nearly 10, its nearly 10.30 and you haven't started work, you haven't checked your messages." This constant little niggling work ethic that said that it was "work" hours and I should be working. Hey, fairs fair, I had no clients until the afternoon, I was up to date on my orders, I had worked on them on Saturday and had tweaked my work blog on Sunday night. Did that not give me permission to take some time when I needed it? Was not my health more important anyway? Was that not why I worked for myself and had downsized in the first place?

Eventually I went down and checked my messages, nothing pressing so I drove to the beach and watched the seagulls fly over the thundering waves. Be silent unwanted thoughts that litter my mind. This is my life, my life design, and it includes yoga and the ocean- even in the middle of the day...

What thought patterns haunt you that you can release?

Faery Grotto

2010-05-30T17:33:00.003+10:00

I’m sitting at the bottom of my street in the “faery grotto”. All I can hear is the trickle of the stream and the pitter pattering of the rain as it blurs these words across the page and dances off the tips of the ferns. It is so incredibly beautiful down here where the light barely descends into this ancient woodland, especially today under the cloak of clouds. It’s the first time I’ve been out in a week, other than the two block drive to the school. I’ve had a sick child home all week and as tricky as that can be I am so grateful that I can be here when she’s sick.
I’m so lucky to have this treasure of bush, which feels magical and mysterious like a woodland of spirits, so close to home and wonder how it is that I let life stop me from coming down here more often under the illusion (be it ever so real) of “busy”.
So what I have been craving for myself is Silence, a rare thing for a mother to find. I steal away to give myself some in little snippets here and there and am amazed with how much can be heard when we are just silent.

A Word on "Selfishness"

2010-05-30T11:55:00.001+10:00

“When we don’t take the time for ourselves, to feed our spirit, our creativity, our own well, then we become selfish in spirit. Better we are selfish in time than in spirit.”

When we deny ourselves the time we need for ourselves, when we don’t feed our spirits with the gift of time and space, if that is what we yearn, then our body responds by becoming tight and holding on. If there is not enough for ourselves, then in the scheme of things, there is simply not enough. We hold back, we conserve, our energy diminishes and our generosity with it.
When we have time for self nurturing and self care, however we define that for ourselves, then we come from a place of abundance, there is plenty for everyone and we can give freely as there is plenty to give.
So to all the people, especially mothers, who are so busy taking care of everyone else and feel they are being selfish when they take time for themselves. Hear this, you are being selfish not to. When we have this idea of selfless giving, always putting others first and ourselves second, or even sometimes nowhere, we leave ourselves open to guilt. An ideal is hard to maintain and guilt is inevitable. Guilt just spins us into a spiral of ever increasing tightness of our generosity . To be able to give fully we need to be blossoming, to burst forth, and this requires nurturing.
Listen quietly to yourself and hear what it is you crave. Honour your authenticity by acting on it, giving it to yourself and then see how much more you’ll have to give. And lets just delete the word “selfish” from our vocabulary- its counterproductive, misleading and toxic.

“When I take that time and fuel up, I am just juicy and generous, and when I get run down, I can feel something in my system is greedy and not being fed, and then I start to label it as “I am being a selfish...,”
Danielle LaPorter

Love letter from the sun

2010-05-15T08:07:00.003+10:00

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.
~Albert Camus

I have a theory about autumn, about those glorious golden leaves, red leaves, burnished leaves exploding with light. At this time of the year the sun is low and in the afternoon, when its light is golden magic, kissing and caressing everything with its glory, its angle is so oblique that it gets trapped in the leaves. It is this trapped light that turns the leaves yellow, red, orange, sienna. This beautiful light trapped and burning bright. It is too much beauty for the fragile leaves to endure and they must fall to the ground like Icarus having got to close to the sun, too close to pure beauty...

Miss Match- Week Six: Earth

2010-05-11T07:44:00.000+10:00

Here is this weeks Miss Match with Andrea Despot. I love the way we start with the little things and the big things seem to grow out of them. The top shot, mine, is of the Three Sisters, and older than the Grande Canyon. Dreamtime has it that their father, who was a witch doctor, turned the three sisters to stone to protect them during a battle fought between tribes over their love. Unfortunately the witch doctor was killed in the battle and the sisters remain where he left them to this day. Another story is that he was protecting them from an angry bunyip and was himself turned into a Lyre bird who to this day searches for his magic stone in order to restore his daughters back to themselves. Which story do you prefer?

Polaroid Week

2010-05-05T14:21:00.001+10:00

    Well its polaroid week and my polly is down for the count sadly and I am desperately seeking (new) Polly. But that is not going to stop me playing so I’m taking this opportunity to pull a few images out of the vault and to reflect on the magic of polaroids and photography.
    I often wonder about the fascination with polaroids. Some say it the “instantness” of them, but for me after years of film, waiting for it to be developed and then shooting with a big chunky camera that was too big and too heavy to take anywhere but on a shoot, and shooting in raw, which still needs “developing” even though it is digital, I am enjoying the “instantness” of shooting with “baby”, my little canon that gives me the flexibility of shooting everything in both raw and jpeg and is small enough to keep chucked in my handbag at all times- that’s instant.
    No, a polaroids magic lies in its alchemy. When I was first starting out in photography, I loved playing with the chemistry of the medium- cross processing, polaroid transfers and lifts, fresson prints, gum-bichromate, solarising type 55 in homage to Manray, pulling of feats of chemical magic that allowed room for accidents- a window for magic to sneak into an otherwise technical art form. Playing with polaroid again brings back that element of magic, using film which is beyond its used by date and has warped in sometimes unpredictable ways, using cameras that are old and flawed. It reminds me of the days when despite how careful and experienced you were, there was always doubt about what lay on the film until it came out of the darkroom or back from the lab. Watching an image slowly appear on a piece of polaroid film is a bit like that- waiting to see what sort of magic is there.

Miss Match- Week Five: Silhouette

2010-05-03T14:22:00.000+10:00

This weeks Miss Match was with Violet Bella whose beautiful image here on the left is just gorgeous.

Miss Match- Week Four: White

2010-04-27T09:28:00.001+10:00

This week I was paired with the talented Erin Faith Allen whose beautiful images and mixed media work inspire me know end so I was thrilled to be paired together and had fun getting to know her. Check out her gorgeous blog.

White Light

The theme was white, which just so happens to be my favourite colour, what could be more appropriate for a photographer than to shoot the colour that holds light and all the other colours, the rainbow. Here are some of the runner ups for the Miss Match project.

I've been wandering through my dreams again...

2010-04-18T20:16:00.003+10:00

I was looking through some of the photos I took in Canada for a specific request from a stock library and got some what distracted. The thing about taking so many photos when you travel is that it takes absolutely ages to work through them all. Sure, you pull out the obvious favourites straight away, but there is always a few that you know you want to come back to when you work out how to approach them and some that you didn't look at twice originally but some how peak your interest with the perspective of time, just as there are some you take which you think are going to be brilliant at the time of capture but on viewing you realise they just don't hold the magic you thought they would while an accidental magic shows up elsewhere. But all this is what makes photography exciting: finding something you didn't expect or that was lost in the recesses of your dreams and imaginings.

Miss Match- Week Three: Reflect

2010-04-18T15:05:00.001+10:00

This weeks Miss Match with Canadian Carey Shaw. So odd to be working with people on the otherside of the world, in another time of day and another season. Whilst she was half expecting snow, I was only dreaming of it whilst dipping toes in the autumn waters. Here are the runner ups, light reflections and water reflections, which often visit in my work (hence the name).

Next week I am paired with Erin Faith Allen whose work I have been stalking on her blog. The theme is white, my favorite colour, not that you can really call it a colour: its all colours...

Miss Match- Week Two: Joy

2010-04-11T22:03:00.001+10:00

Here are the results of this weeks pairing. I was teamed up with the lovely Mandy Byrant from the Light Fantastic, who inspired me out of my dark week of migraines with her glorious joy image of the red ball. Our diptych celebrates young and innocent exuberance- joy with abandon.
Thanks Mandy.

This was the first image I shot for this project, brother and sister holding hands- the joy of love. But I fell in love with the simple joy of the above one, and how well it worked with Mandy's. Next week I am paired with Carey Shaw on the theme of "reflect".

On Becoming a Butterfly

2010-04-08T21:10:00.002+10:00

"How does one become a butterfly?" She asked pensively.

"You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar."

Trina Paulus

Miss Match- Week One: Domestic

2010-04-05T07:28:00.006+10:00

"Housework is a mistake" Quentin Crisp

I have been playing along with a group of female photographers from Etsy and we have started a diptych project called Miss Match. This week's theme was domestic and I was paired with Katie from A Sense of Place Photography. Both us of giggled when we saw our theme as neither of can claim to be domestic goddesses, maybe goddesses but certainly not domestic ones. So our take on domestic was a bit of reality: a messy kitchen sink and burnt cookies, none on this Martha Stewart stuff for us. Below is my other sink photo:

Who ever said that the camera doesn't lie obviously doesn't know what he was talking about (and hadn't met photoshop- but that's another story). Here is the proof of the pudding that the camera does lie. My daughter got all Nigella on me and here is the results shot as runner ups for the Domestic Project:

Next week I am paired up with Mandy Byrant on the theme of Joy. So many options, check back to see what we come up with.

Women in Art

2010-03-19T10:38:00.000+11:00

I just couldn't resist sharing this- I love it!!!

Screaming Muses

2010-03-16T19:36:00.000+11:00

I am in the last stretch of my two month game of "finishing" things, and I am realising that I am not very good at finishing things, and am even worse at stopping myself from starting new things. Firstly, I have signed up to play with Trude Callan at the Creative Mother's Group working on Shona Cole's The Artistic Mother: A Practical Guide to Fitting Creativity into Your Busy Life, though I am still waiting for Mr Amazon to bring me my copy- it should be lots of fun. Also, my good friend over at the Creative Identity is running a short story competition where all entries will receive a critique and a few will be published in an anthology of the best entries. So I am thinking about short stories I could enter. Also I am participating in an art exchange chain mail which will be such fun. I am sending something to a woman in Iran and should be receiving all sorts of surprises on my doorstep. I love surprises on my doorstep, its like christmas (if you're interested in participating in this exchange, leave a comment and I'll contact you with the details). So that's three new projects, among others personal projects and daily inspirations that like to come and distract me. I can't help starting things when the inspiration visits. Maybe I'm just not good at imposed rules which is funny as I work well with deadlines. Perhaps what I'll do is just concentrate on finishing things as I go so I can at least see some completion. I guess if you're stuck for ideas, try to concentrate on finishing things- it makes the muses scream loud.

Boris does the Masters

2010-03-15T21:33:00.000+11:00

“Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.” Buddha

Boris has been on a bit of an artful adventure into Western art since landing in Australia. Firstly, he went off to see Mr Bunny (that's Rupert) at the Art Gallery of New South Wales, an unknown master of the Australian Art scene, and was nearly trampled by the crowds there to see George and Gilbert.

So inspired by Bunny's work that he decided to trek to Canberra to see the Masterpieces from Paris. He was so overwhelmed by all the beauty in the Post Impressionist exhibition, but of course he had his favorites. Firstly, Van Gogh's Starry Night Over the Rhone, like a magnet, drew him to it from the other room, commanding undivided attention. Such powerful and vivid beauty, rich deep colours and the brush work, oh the brush work. But it was the Monet's that quietly drew him back again and again as they woven their magic spell over him and gently wrapped him up in a cocoon of subliminal light and dreamy colours.

He also got to check out a bit of the local aboriginal art:

Thank you Misty

2010-03-14T20:40:00.003+11:00

Look at these beautiful treasures that I received on my doorstep one day recently, when I was home sick. Well they certainly picked the day to arrive and really helped lift my spirits. Unfortunately, whatever I had has been doing the rounds with the family and this is the first opportunity to share these gorgeous treasures. In January we were on holiday in Thailand and removed from all news as we luxuriated in paradise in Koh Samui, and it was only the generosity of a few blogs that I read that I knew of the disaster in Haiti. From paradise I was able to reach out and donate some money through a few blogging fund raisers. And then there was this: Misty Mawn was selling two of her beautiful creations and donating the money to Unicef. Of course I was more than happy to purchase one, and am so pleased to receive such treasures, although I feel a pang of guilt being rewarded for helping. But anyway, I thank you whole heartily Misty, so beautiful, so divinely wrapped and packaged, and such a pleasure to receive. This painting will adorn my bedroom, providing inspiration and delight, Misty is both a talented artist and a beautiful photographer.

Introducing Boris the Buddha

2010-02-24T22:18:00.003+11:00

Boris the Buddha

Meet Boris, mild mannered and ever so humble buddha but with a secret desire to see the world. He is a Chinese Buddha from Thailand. What does this mean? It means that he embraces traits of both the Chinese buddha for good luck, prosperity and abundance (& by abundance we mean the joy of life), and Thai buddha for respect (for oneself, others and the planet) and a simple, harmonious life. So with a simple plan for an abundantly joyous life, Boris the Buddha has set off on his adventures to see the world and meet himself.

Boris at the Big Buddha- Samui

When I first met Boris he was hanging around at the Big Buddha on Samui, day dreaming about the world that the tourists he saw daily came from and getting under the feet of the monks. It occured to him, that unlike big buddha, he could just throw a few things in a little cloth, fling it over his shoulder and be on his way, and so he did. A tearful and excited goodbye to his beloved Samui and he was off, to see the world and pick up some wisdom along his way.

He is able who thinks he is able.

Buddha

Boris saying goodbye to his beloved Thailand

* NB. Disclaimer- We would just like to make it perfectly clear that Boris is on this adventure of his own free will, he has not been kidnapped or coerced and no buddha’s were harmed in the undertaking of this adventure.

Current "Game"- Finishing

2010-02-17T18:07:00.000+11:00

Bowing Heads

I've also been listening to Jen Lee's podcasts from the Portfolio Project and she's got me thinking about what "game" I'm playing at the moment. I've decided that the game I need to play is "Finishing", so for the rest of Feb and then March I will focus on finishing some things, both projects, pieces and just general life stuff. I'm hoping that this will remove some of the balls I'm juggling from the air and make space for some new projects and inspirations. It will also have the added benifit of seeing some completed works which will be able to leave the nest ready to fly out into the world.
It's not just the time it takes to finish things that is the issue, it is also the weight of it on your conscience, the space in your creative arena that incomplete things occupy. Sometimes things sit incomplete due to some blockage, perhaps I don't know what to do next or where to take something, sometimes I am just waiting for a solution to come to me. You have to work out whether you need to push past this or just wait for the muses to guide you. Both are valid processes. Not all things will get finished, but certainly plenty could be. I've only just brought down the Christmas tree (we were away for Jan, if that's any excuse) and still haven't unpacked, so the temptation to flit between new projects and not actually finish any is always strong (easily distracted by shiny objects). So here's to heads down and finishing a few things, making way for a new direction in April.

2010's Word

2010-02-17T09:49:00.003+11:00

Blossom

I’ve been drawing a blank on what to put as my word for the year, and the year keeps trucking along oblivious to the fact that I haven’t picked a word yet. Then, while belatedly doing my Best of 2009 Challenge from Gwen Bell, it dawned on me how obvious it was. Last year there was a quote that kept popping up all over the place after I had adopted it as a kind of mantra and worked it into art pieces and so on:

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

Anais Nin

    It occurred to me that “BLOSSOM” was the obvious choice for the word. Yet despite how obvious the word seems, I’m wondering why I am so resistant to it.

    Firstly, I guess when you pick a word that is going to be good for your growth and development, it is going to be something that pushes you, challenges you a bit beyond your comfort zone. What would be the point of having a word that didn’t grow you. So despite the fact that I know that “Blossom” is a wonderful thing for a woman to do, especially an artist, it still feels seeped in that “risk”, easier to hold back and hide than to open and expose.

    Secondly, as a creative type, I often ponder on the creative process, one which I often find quite cyclic. At the moment I am in a sponging phase, soaking in inspiration, trying new things, and mulching it all over in my subconscious. It’s a safe place to stay but at some point those little seeds of inspiration deserve to be allowed to “blossom”.

    I guess I also felt that if the word for the year is “Blossom” then that means that after the year is up I will be done with it, when in fact what it should means is that at the end of the year I will be practiced at “blossoming” and better able to do it in the future, that this year wont be the definitive blossoming but just the beginning…

And so it shall be BLOSSOM:- Let the creative self blossom.

Thank you Ms Nin.

If you haven't done your word for the year, here is a link which may help: Kane

Valentine's Day

2010-02-15T07:59:00.000+11:00

Rose

How did it happen that their lips came together? How does it happen that birds sing, that snow melts, that the rose unfolds, that the dawn whitens behind the stark shapes of trees on the quivering summit of the hill? A kiss, and all was said.

Victor Hugo

A month in Thailand

2010-02-13T08:32:00.001+11:00

So many beautiful images from the month in Thailand. Please click over here to see some of the magic of Thailand.

http://dailyblissphoto.blogspot.com/2010_01_01_archive.html

Best of 2009 Challenge

2010-02-07T11:49:00.008+11:00

So in Australia we are normally a day ahead, but I guess in this one we are a month behind. While the rest of the web community is busy with new projects and so on, for me it is holiday time with the kids on school holidays, so not a lot gets down. Here is my rather belated Best of 2009 Challenge started by Gwen Bell. Some of them were instantly obvious and others required some thought and deliberation. It's been such an interesting and new year that in some cases it was impossible to narrow it down to a best. It is so late that Mr MckLinky is closed. Perhaps I should start on my 2010 list now.

Best Trip: This one is such a tough call as 2009 heralded the beginning of much travel but of course it was January in Vancouver which put on a stunning show of snow with its 40 year record of snow fall. We were so lucky.

Best Restaurant Moment: Five Islands Restaurant, Koh Samui, Thailand, for my birthday. A magical day and night that started with a long boat trip, snorkeling, and ended with a banquet and a magical light show from the setting sun.

Best Book: ”I will not die an unlived life” by Dawna Markova, this one surprised me. I have read many books along these lines over the years but this one really touched on some truths at a time when I needed to find them. Will be read and re-read, quoted and turned to as needed.

May we all find the courage to offer ourselves fully to what has heart and meaning for us... May we all find the soil in which the seeds of our dreams can germinate... Dawna Markova

Best Night Out: The Stanley Park Train through the snow and Christmas magical display. This night brought all the magic of a childhood Christmas to my children as the snow flakes fell on my eyelashes.

Best Workshop or Conference: Unravelling with Susannah Conway. Susannah is a joy to unravel with, as are all the friends that I meet along the way.

Best Blog find of the year: Well this would just have to be blogs in general. Until 2009 I didn’t have time at all for finding and exploring blogs so a whole new world has opened up to me, filled with kindred spirits, new friends from all around the globe and much joy and inspiration. Thank you.

Best Moment of Peace: Early in the morning while the rest of the house sleeps and I can potter around quietly in my own thoughts and dreams. Bliss.

Best Challenge: Downsizing the studio was definitely the hardest thing I have had to do for along time.

Best Album: Bliss Baby If you work with babies all day like I do (or if you have a newborn baby) you will understand why. Anything to help settle a baby.

Best Place: Snow, under the snow: British Columbia.

Best New Food: Caper’s Pumpkin Pie- although technically I discovered it at the end of 2008, I searched for all of January for more of it and have been obsessing over it ever since mmmm….. Should come with a warning- "Is addictive and requires copious amounts of cream."

Best Change made to the place where I live. The best and worse change made to home was to bring the studio back home. Still have such mixed feelings about it.

Best Rush: Discovering traveling without children again.

Best Tea- I don’t know about tea, I’m a coffee girl. But I do like the idea of tea so I’m always buying tea cups. Here’s the favorite of 2009

Best Word or Phase: Without a doubt it was a quote which I took on early in the year and kept reappearing throughout the year all over the place, in case I hadn't paid attention the first time:

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Anais Nin

Best Shop: Etsy. Like blogging this is a whole new experience. My aim with my own Etsy shop is to somehow sell enough to cover the things on Etsy that I buy, so far I'm losing. Love having beautiful handmade things and the bonus of finding surprises on the doorstep- Christmas all year round.

Best Car Ride: and the scariest. Sea to Sky highway in British Columbia.

Best New Person: So many new people, all wonderful, have come into my life this year. I guess the best one is the old/new me that has returned allowing room for all these other wonderful people.

Best Project: Back to me. This year has seen the start of many new projects, but all of them are part of the larger project of reconnecting with my own artistic voice, one that has been stifled over the years or motherhood and mortgages. So glad to see it coming back. So curious to see where it might go.

Best Web Tool: Flickr. You’d think as a photographer I would have discovered this sooner but I was always too busy. Now I am enjoying connecting with other shooters around the world and being inspired by so many wonderful images and artists. It's a full time job exploring Flickr.

Best Learning Experience: The process of downsizing the studio and all the space that opened up as a result.

Best Gift: Our families Christmas gift to each other- a month in Koh Samui together.

Best Insight or aha Moment: It was a year of insights, mostly about finding an authentic me and following my bliss and energy and a lot of it was fueled by this quote which was quite an aha moment (& a proverbial kick up the butt- thank you). I know I am always going to be my own worst critic and never know if what I am producing is any good, but still I must keep doing the work and (armed with the Nin quote) be brave enough to put it out there.

My love of music, words & creative expression... is the morning songbird at my window saying "Wake up & get moving. The world won't wait for you to decide you are brilliant. Get up and work anyway." Stephaine Lee

Best Social Web Moment: Secret Santa with my unravellers.

Best Stationery: Journals, for writing, painting, playing, pasting, discovering.

Best Laugh: Teary teary laugh with Haneka in my art class- thanks girlfriend.

Best Resolution: 300dpi of course, perfect for printing.

Island Time

2010-01-12T13:50:00.001+11:00

Scenes from the Morning Walk

I am unable to relax into island time, perhaps the thing I seek most in coming here again. I feel the weight of the month slipping away from the outset, like childhood slipping through your fingers, unstoppable.
    I try to race it by rising early and wasting not a second- up before anyone I plant my towel on a chair and set off down the beach for a leisurely stroll and then back to sit in quiet solitude for a few hours before the children wake. The heat of the day hits and I dare not retreat inside for fear of losing some precious seconds. By the end I am exhausted from fighting time too diligently.
    The next day I decide to sleep in and start the day slowly and leisurely which fits in with Lulu being sick and needing a gentle day. The day vanishes and I wonder where to. At 4.30, the sun is low and I manage a redeeming hour in the pool which brings the day alive again.
    Island time, or as Jay says “What time is it? It’s who cares time,” alludes me this time with the children here. Island time for me is in the early waking hours, as at home, when I am my own island, isolated from the children’s sleeping bodies and the demands of yet another day. In solitude an island, until the tide goes out and the children awake and can walk across to me. Then who cares time vanishes into layers of sunblocking, meals, clothes and just entertaining and organising them.
    But this to will vanish, and unlike the tides it will not return. Once they have moved on they will never return to childhood, only visit from the distance of their independence.
    If I could pause the morning hour would I? Somedays I would but more vehemently I’d like to pause their childhood, divide it up and scatter it through out my life. Perhaps today I would visit again those precious newborn months, and then maybe put it on hold and have the afternoon off from motherhood. If that life were not so linear, linear and cyclic at the same time. All there is is to be in it at any given point, tarring not forward nor back. Even the tides that come and go daily transform over the years, sculpting our landscape as our days sculpt our lives.

Muted Palette

2010-01-11T12:28:00.001+11:00

    Today on the beach it’s grey and rainy. I love the beach in winter when all people vanish and all the soft greys and blues mingle with the delicate sandy colours. A rainy winter day is the perfect day for the beach. Today is like that here only its warm. Now that the rain has stopped briefly and I’ve swam in the downpour, I sit on my chair with the beach to myself, me and Anne Morrow Lindbergh. Behind me Jay and the children play in the pool, before me the ocean and the sky bleed into each other while the waves rise gently along the shore- a flurry of white that separates the land from the sea like a bridge that invites and then retreats.
    Dark dramatic clouds March towards me and I can see rain in several directions on the horizon. My art supplies, books and pens are all still packed in the basket ready for a quick escape. Drips hit my feet- an advanced warning as my pen flies to finish this line. I run…
    The rain drums down deafeningly loud while I enjoy the peace and quiet of losing the other guests to their suites, shops and restaurants. This is the beach I know, the deserted beach, the beach to ourselves, either in rain or in sunshine. This is the beach that I love, the beach that sets my soul free and my imagination wild, wild like the wild exhilarating weather, carried away on the waves and the tides.
    I am soaked, the rain is torrential, baby is wet, puddles form everywhere, the children’s squeals and shouts of delight or frustration are drowned out. There is peace in all this noise, the air is crisp, though it will be humid later. I enjoy the freshness of now as the storm stirs deep within.

The Last Christmas Pudding

2009-12-26T18:08:00.001+11:00

The last Pudding

This here is the last of the Christmas Puddings and the death of a tradition. For the last few years we have kept the presence of my nana alive during Christmas by pulling out her recipe and making the pudding. This year when I checked that my mother had the fruit soaking I was met with a can't be bothered attitude. Not being here for Christmas last year I was looking forward to the traditions of my Christmas and was devastated. In the end she very reluctantly made it (by-passing several steps and ingredients in the process) and left it cooking in my kitchen for the required 7 hours while she went off to see the new Almodóvar film. Of course, after keeping an eye on it for several hours I got a bit distracted with a painting I was doing and let the water evaporate and smoked the pudding somewhat. I hung it outside and later joked with my daughter about how funny it would be if we had to tell grandma that the possums had got the pudding- and then I promptly forgot about it. In the morning I contemplated over the agile abilities of the possum's tail as I brought in the remaining pudding and preformed surgery on it and wrapped it all up again beautifully.
My son asked why we went to all this fuss to make a pudding that no one really ate (I only ate it as a child because there was money in it and as an adult because there is nostalgia in it) and I knew the writing was on the wall- some traditions just have to be let go of. As long as my children are feeling the magic of Christmas then the details don't really matter and they will find their own memories as I have mine. Last year we were far far away and the year brought many changes into my life. Next year who knows where we will be, but as long as we are all together we can choose our own traditions, even if we keep them only for that year...

Merry Christmas to all...

Shallow Breath Dreaming

2009-12-19T17:17:00.001+11:00

Icicle Magic

Shallow Breath Dreaming

My house a cocoon
I’ve woven tightly around
myself. I struggle and grow
I can’t break free. Trapped
in this house I weave.
It seduces me
It suffocates me
I escape in dreams
that leave me hungry.

A world pulling smaller
shrinking in the heat
Things come in but nothing
leaves crumble
A one way door
to life you chose
blindly, kindly,
And the words swarm and clutter
clutter and swarm
Silenced in their buzz

Shallow breath dreaming
Their elixir sweet as sap
To dream, perchance to live
Ay, there’s the rub
that lies in your hub
Deep down within you
The sweetest elixir of all
The one that blows ashless
And pulls you tall
For in that dream of life what life may come...

Missing Snow

2009-12-17T14:04:00.002+11:00

Snow Twig

It's nearly Christmas and I'm thinking about this time last year when all the cold weather clothes were being pulled out of storage, making giant piles next to the empty suitcases and the air was alive with anticipation. Vancouver was already preparing for us, covering itself in a pure white soft wrap and we were giddy with joy. Christmas was overshadowed by snow. My fake snowflakes are in hanging in the window and I'm dreaming of my winter wonderland. Last years Christmas was picture card perfect, but I missed the trays of mangoes and cherries and the traditions of home. This year, traditions, like life, are changing and I'm wondering whether it is not time to start some new traditions for christmas like Caper's Pumpkin Pie, roasted chestnuts in the snow with Nat King Cole in the background, Eggnog from Meinhardt, train ride through the Stanley Park Christmas display, Festival of Lights and most of all the gentle kiss of icy possibilities falling from the sky.

Yesterday, when I was supposed to be working, I found myself going through slide shows of our snow trip feeling very nostalgic. I think a few more photos from then will slowly appear leading up to Christmas.

To my Canadian friends- wish I was there with you.

The Cherry Earrings

2009-12-14T07:23:00.001+11:00

Cherry Bowl

    We don’t hang upside down as we normally do, our legs wrapped around the monkey bars, steel cold and hard behind our knees, hair hanging down freely, our dresses over our heads, our undies showing. We don’t care, we’re too young to care about being modest all the time, we’ll learn- the other children will teach us with their teasing.
    No we don’t hang upside down, our cherry earrings would fall off. We eat some, the juice bursting warm in our mouths, our teeth hitting the pit and backing off, we chew and maneuver with our tongues until the pit is free of all it’s cherry flesh. Then we spit it out as far as we can. We’d love to spit it at that revolting boy that always teases us and pulls our hair, hitting the back of his head. We don’t, we don’t want him to see us at all.
    It is hot, the heat presses down on us but we’re in the shade. This big tree that we sit in is cool and the breeze dances through it’s leaves. We’re not supposed to be in the tree, but its the coolest place and no one can see us. The bark presses against our legs, rough patterns pushing into our skin. The cicadas chant so loud we could almost not hear the bell ring if we choose.

Cherry Earrings

We pick the best cherry pairs for earrings and hang them over our ears. We giggle and admire each other as we struggle to make them balance. Searching through the bag I find the biggest plumpest cherry I can. Full of hope, I pop it in my mouth and bite down. Sweet liquid, juicy, some escapes out of the corner of my mouth, dark juice, giggling with a full mouth.
The cicadas thrum louder still and I realise it’s the bell calling us from our tree. I shoo away a fly and then reluctantly uncurl my legs and pack up the cherries. We wait, we let the others go first, we sneak down when no one sees our legs, stiff from being curled up under us, swing down to make our leave. A few cherries fall in the dirt at the base of the trunk where the roots are solid. I look at them regretfully, contemplating rescuing and rinsing them, and then just shrug and run off late already. An offering to our tree, I leave them happily.

Cherries

Outvod the Infinite

2009-12-08T19:01:00.001+11:00

Outvod the infinite, not to mention the S Riot.
The new (or not so new) language of texting while driving with one of those hit and miss touch screens designed for Thumbelina's fingers.
Does it matter what I was really trying to say, I was chanelling a new word or two. My friend I was texting to, a writer amoungst other things, proclaimed it a fabulous verb she just had to use: Outvod. One should always outvod the infinite. It had been only an hour earlier that we had agreed that some days should be put out of their misery and quietly euthanised and now we were happily outvoding the infinite (as you always do when discussing the S Riot).

This is from a girl who, dare I admit it out loud, thought that "lol" meant lots of love until only recently (I know you're all loling). What other mistexts am I guilty of? And there's a new word: mistext, and to think, the predictive text gremlin couldn't work that one out...

Possibilities

2009-11-30T17:23:00.003+11:00

“We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize.”

Thich Nhat Hanh

We have hung our snowflakes in the window. Next weekend we will shut the doors, turn the air con on, pop the bubbly and decorate our christmas tree while pretending its cold outside. It's a christmas tradition, like trays of mangoes and 40 degree days and waiting around while my partner races out to buy more fairy lights as the ones from the year before never work. Last year we tried the white christmas and however much we loved it, it just didn't feel like christmas.

“Our aspirations are our possibilities.”

Samuel Johnson

Today I took baby steps down a new path.

Cupcakes & Champagne

2009-11-25T18:19:00.000+11:00

Today when I was packing for my art class, my partner asked me what the champagne glasses were for. "For champagne, of course", I answered.
"Why are you taking champagne."
"To drink",
"Why"
"Because we like it", I answered rather shocked and confused. Since when does one need to have an excuse to drink champagne? We don't need a reason to celebrate, but if we do I'm sure I could think of a few:

Because the sun was out

Because the children were at school

Because America just had Thanksgiving

Because we had stolen time to have creative play

Because we like bubbles and pretty things

Because everyday is worth celebrating in some small way, right?

Happy Thanksgiving to all our North American friends.

Tribute to Unraveling

2009-11-24T18:33:00.002+11:00

Tribute to Unraveling

Adventures in Relaxation: Scenes from Lotus Terrace

2009-11-21T16:39:00.006+11:00

    I’ve been stuck on writing about our time in Samui as I’m not sure I can convey in words just how deeply the place and the pace resonated with me at this particular time in life. Since returning home, I’ve felt out of time, out of sync with myself, a blur scattered between obligations and desires. In Samui there was only the moment, the quiet blissful moments stretched out gloriously in front of me like the sublime calm ocean. Two hours of yoga this morning and I feel a bit like some of the pieces of me have been pulled back into my center as I try to carry the peace of Samui back into my own life.
    You know when your booking a holiday, surfing the net and trying to decipher the photos from what the reality might be like. You don’t know the place your going to, you don’t know the location to stay at. You’ve gotten advice from various people about where to stay but your dubious, you still remember the time that you took the advice of a well meaning friend. No you won’t be making that mistake again. So you study the photos knowing only too well that it is the job of a photographer to lie, so you look for the seams and try to interpret them back to reality.
    What is it you want from your accommodation? Are you planning to spend much time there or is it just going to be a dumping ground for your luggage? Our trip to Samui was planned to be a relaxing, hangout by the beach, do nothing holiday WITHOUT CHILDREN.   A blissful holiday after the exhaustion of the last one where, as much as I loved it, snow and children, well it just ain’t relaxing. So this one was going to be a do nothing, chill, relax, regenerate, daydream, relax, and did I mention relax. So much expectation is invested into your holiday, planning, looking forward to it, etc etc, that you want it to be, you need it to be beautiful, and I’ve had the holiday that you just wanted to leave, to come home. You know, the holiday that leaves a bitter taste in your mouth long after you’ve finally paid it off the credit card.

    Well this holiday wasn’t that. This holiday was perfect from the place, the people, the food to the accommodation. Even the airport was perfect, with it’s landscaped runway and buildings that looked more like the shacks on Gilligan’s Island than an airport terminal, dotted with orchids and lotus flowers.
    When we got into our taxi and asked him to take us to Lotus Terrace, our accommodation, he just shrugged and said “I don’t know that one, I’ll drive, you look for it.” Well its a small island but… A tour of the island later and finally we spot it as we drive past it for the umpteenth time (thank goodness we’re on a fixed rate cab fair or we would have been suspicious, as it was we just relaxed and took in the scenes of the island). The villas were down a driveway off the main road, nestled right on the beach. Perfect, we knew we had picked well.
    The lovely and very sweet Rosie, who will keep me in supply of coffee over our stay, greets us, takes our bags and shows us to our delightful rooms. Everything is beautiful and I look around thinking “I could get used to orchids on my bathmat if I have to,” as Rosie gives us the lay of the land, where to eat, cars etc. (When we leave we try to smuggle her with us- she just laughs, its an old joke, all the guests try to seduce her away from her island home when they leave- no surprise).

It’s late afternoon after our extended cab ride and we’re hungry after our mystery meal on the aeroplane. At Rosie’s suggestion, we trudge (such hard work) down the beach, and I do mean down the beach, along the sand, to the local restaurant on the sand. Part of the walk involves hitching up my skirt and getting my calves wet as we wonder which way the tide is going and whether our path home will be here later. I remember a similar situation on a childhood holiday which has taken on a childlike mythology and until recently used to visit me in my nightmares. But I’m on holiday and I don’t care about such things as the practicalities of being able to get home. When we find the restaurant we sit outside on the sand and order cocktails and local snacks watching the colours get softer. Sunset over our new adventure.

Back at our villa, we lay claim to “Our Spot” which will be our spot for the next week: a couple of deck chairs and an umbrella between the little pool and what we affectionately come to call the big pool (the ocean). We drink wine, listen to the waves and watch the sand move as tiny crabs scurry about. We get very comfortable.

My agenda for the week is simple, it is basically not to move much from this spot. I had planned to read and write, take a few pictures, but really the place is too peaceful, too calm. Our villas are, thankfully, on the other side of the island to the main tourist trek, so sitting on my chair under the umbrella there is not a lot to watch other than the rhythmic waves and the weather. Occasionally a local will wade out to see what the sea will offer up for lunch or check the nets in the morning, but beyond that, the beach is pretty much ours alone. It’s a beautiful beach with coral like sand that massages your feet and gets softer the further out you go until its like walking on a very fine sponge. The water itself is clear and calm, you can see the reefs below as you walk out far with its crisp and sparkly turquoise embracing you. The scene is soft and delicate in the morning, heavy with fog and gets clearer as the sun rises casting shadows of palm trees on the water. Sometimes the weather engulfs the mainland across from us and you can literally sit here and watch the storms move past as they dance along the surface of the water.
On the first morning we meet our hosts at Lotus Terrace, a gorgeous couple from Vancouver, who offer us the use of their Kayak and local knowledge. On their advice, we select the only tour on the island that we will do: The Five Islands Tour, which turns out to be perfect and a highlight of the trip (thank you). The tour involves being taken out in a traditional long boat by one of the local fishermen to cruise around the five islands off the coast of Samui, and then stopping at a deserted island to do some snorkeling amongst the coral and aquatic gardens. Did I mention that it was only the two of us on the tour. A fresh and cold coconut refreshes us as we race the setting sun back to shore. A quick shower and we are ready to sit and watch the magnificent light show of the setting sun from the best vantage point on the island, cocktails at hand followed by more delectable food than we can possibly muster the energy to eat. We look at all the beautiful food in front of us and wonder who else is coming to dinner.

We hire a car and head out occasionally to explore the island, but I am always keen to get back to Our Spot and continue on the path of nothingness. The seduction not to leave the place, to sit and stare at the scene is too high. I am happy only to move in search of the next exquisite Thai meal. When we do venture out it is easy to navigate around the island as most of it is on the exterior outer rim, near the water, why wouldn’t it be, and there is one main road which takes you all around the island and delivers you back where you started. Impossible to get lost on this island- all roads lead home eventually.

Most of our time was spent doing nothing and being surprised just how easy it was not to think about our lives back home, including the children (oh dear, am I allowed to say that aloud!?!). We ease our guilt by promising to bring the children with us next time, the location is perfect for children with its calm deserted beach and gentle waters. We sat quietly with only our own thoughts and the insistant waves, thinking of adventures in relaxation. We leave knowing only one thing for sure and that is that we will return to this idealic setting, to this beautiful place and tranquil pace.